Superman's Tears
by ShepsReyna
Summary: Fraser was Superman to everyone and no one including Vecchio had ever seen him truly lose control. The tragic loss of an innocent may show that Superman does cry. A bit of Fraser whump and plenty of angst. Not canon on timeline, but after season 1.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first Due South story as I have written SG Atlantis fic. I apologize to any expecting an SGA fic but I had rediscovered Due South back in June and remembered why I loved that series, a certain Mountie and really all the characters. This is a challenges writing non science fiction, but the characters and relationships are truly wonderful. It is a bit of a sad story and I am trying to figure out characters so to DS fans please forgive any mistakes in characterization. I will try to get it right in the future. For SGA folks, I do have ideas for future stories including EH III just needed felt compelled to write Due South story. I appreciate any feedback. Not betaed so all mistakes mine. Only so many times one can read to fix!

Disclaimers: All the usual disclaimers. Other than any original characters none of the others belong to me. I just do this for fun.

Superman's Tears

"You just can't go around helping every orphan Fraser," Vecchio said despite knowing it went on deaf ears.

"Ray it's Christmas, and Rebecca …Rebecca has a foster family."

"Well her family sure seems to be unavailable most of the time. They haven't adopted her have they?"

Fraser looked through the window of the department store. He sighed as he looked at Vecchio. He knew what the detective would say. "No they haven't. And from what I can tell, it would probably be for the best. They don't seem to watch after her very well."

Vecchio shook his head. "So you gonna help every unwanted kid?"

Fraser wished he could. "No Ray. Don't be ridiculous. That would be impossible." He walked inside the store and did not notice all the eyes batting at him as he walked by. "But I can be nice to this one child Ray."

Vecchio shook his head. "Alright, you know the squad sponsors a few kids every year. I can add her name to the list. We throw a party every year for them." Fraser's eyes brightened. "Thank you Ray. That…that is very generous of you."

Vecchio didn't think it was generous at all. No, what Fraser was doing was really in the spirit of Christmas or in the spirit of just plain goodness. The squad did this every year. Fraser looked completely lost in the department store. "Why do you do this Benny? Help people like this."

Fraser looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean Ray? You help people."

"Yeah, cause I'm a cop, but not the way you help."

Fraser shrugged slightly and continued to look around. Vecchio waited for an answer but did not get one. "Well?" he prompted.

Fraser sighed and his shoulders seemed to slump just slightly. He turned and faced his friend. "Because helping one person can make all the difference in the world to that person and sometimes that is the only thing we can control."

Vecchio was going to say something when an older woman came by and interrupted them. "Excuse me young man," she said to Fraser. "You appear lost."

Fraser smiled. "No ma'am. I am not lost. Just befuddled."

Vecchio groaned. Befuddled.

"Well how can I help you?" the distinguished looking woman asked.

"Well I don't seem to know what to buy for a 10 year old girl," Fraser admitted. "Usually I carve out gifts from wood, but well, I think she deserves something a little more than that."

"Well what does she like?" Vecchio heard the woman ask as she led the Mountie away.

oOoOo

Rebecca fled her apartment. Her foster father had started drinking again, and soon the shouting would start maybe even progress to hitting. The only good thing about being foster kid to those two was that she lived next to Constable Benton Fraser, the kindest person she had ever known. Of course she had a crush on him but what decent girl wouldn't.

She sat on the stairway and waited it out. It should only last an hour or so then her foster father would probably fall asleep.

She woke when she felt something cold and wet on her nose. She opened her eyes with a smile. "Hi Diefenbaker." The dog licked her until she finally looked up and saw her Mountie looking at her concerned. "Are you alright Rebecca?", he asked quietly. She saw that his arms were full of packages. "Oh I just wanted to wait for you and say good night."

He squinted his eyes. He could not yet decipher when she was telling the truth or not. Usually that came easily to him but with children it was difficult. But this time he sensed she was not telling the whole truth. "Is everything alright?"

She stood and nodded. "Oh yes. Everything is fine." She self-consciously rubbed her slightly torn and dirty dress. She wished she could look better for him. He always looked so spotless and perfect. "I wanted to ask you if you would walk me to Church tomorrow. I like to go, but…but I don't like to go by myself at least not in this neighborhood." She didn't mention the bullies she ran in to the last couple of times and it got scary last weekend.

He cocked his head to one side then looked up toward her apartment. "Your foster parent's don't go?"

She looked down at her shoes. "No They don't like to go. They don't like to do much of anything."

Fraser frowned. He was still singing in the choir at Vecchio's church. "Well I will ask your parents but if you are inclined to do so, you can come with me and my friend Ray. He picks me up at 0900 sharp."

Her eyes brightened. Constable Benton Fraser talked kingly-like almost all the time, but he never talked down to her like other adults did. She also liked Ray Vecchio as, he was the kind of person that pretended not to care but she could tell he was a softie. "Since I sing in the choir," Fraser said, "you will have to sit with Ray and his family if that is okay. "

She nodded excitedly. She had only lived here for four months but she was glad for it. It was better than the other homes. There was nothing to look forward to like there was here. She hoped her foster parents had stopped their fighting and that Benton actually talked to her foster mother. She wasn't mean like her foster father, just indifferent.

Fraser dropped off the packages in his room then went with Rebecca to her apartment. A woman answered. "There you are, Becky. Where have you been?"

Rebecca shrugged. "I was just sitting down there on the stairwell."

The woman looked over at Fraser running her eyes from head to toe and grinned at him in a way that had become more obvious to him. "And who is this," the woman asked.

Fraser extended his hand and the woman shook it. "Constable Benton Fraser, ma'am. I was wondering if I could ask your permission for Rebecca to attend church with my friend Detective Ray Vecchio and myself. She stated that she would like to attend."

"Yeah, yeah sure. That's fine. As long as she is with you and the cop I don't mind how long she stays out."

Fraser nodded. If he had a daughter he would be concerned. Even police officers would be thoroughly investigated. "Oh the squad invites local children for a holiday celebration. It will be next Tuesday. There will be food and drink and perhaps presents." The woman's face softened as she looked from Fraser to Rebecca. "Yeah sure, Constable," she said softly. "Every kid deserves Christmas. I'll make sure her best dress is ironed and ready to go for tomorrow."

Fraser nodded. Rebecca squeezed his hand and smiled. As she headed in toward the door she looked back at Fraser. "0900 sharp."

Fraser nodded and winked before making his way back to his apartment.

oOoOo

"Fraser, she is not a pet, you can't just bring her along you know like you do Dief," Vecchio said as they walked out of Fraser's apartment.

"I know Ray, but she wanted me to take her to church well even on Sunday this neighborhood is not so safe. Her foster parents apparently don't go. I….I."

Vecchio raised his hand up and put it on Fraser's shoulder. No use making the Mountie try to awkwardly explain since Vecchio was probably not ready for another parable or Inuit story. "It's alright Benny. Maybe we can hook her up with the sisters. They work a lot with orphans and foster kids. You know make sure they have clothes, food, friends."

Fraser looked at his friend. "Well thank you Ray, but…why are you doing this?"

"I've got a bleeding heart okay Frase…" Vecchio was looking after Fraser. That was the bottom line. Damn the Mountie for caring so much about everything but if he could find a way to get this kid more help then maybe Fraser wouldn't get so caught up. "But you know Fraser, not every kid, or person is a problem for you to fix."

Fraser shrugged. He knew Vecchio was trying to watch out for him. Perhaps he was getting too wrapped up in the situation but he did not understand how the community could care so little for its abandoned children. Perhaps this was not his own hometown, but it was his neighborhood.

Rebecca answered the door. "Hi Benton. Hi Ray."

"Good morning Rebecca. You look lovely this morning."

Rebecca beamed. She had on a yellow dress finely pressed with white socks and black shoes. The shoes were old and Vecchio could tell they had been handed down many times as had the dress but she looked beautiful. Her brown hair had been combed and put up in a braid and like every one else of the female species she batted her bright blues at Fraser. The constable nodded politely at the foster mother and Rebecca ran after Diefenbaker followed by Vecchio and Fraser.

oOoOo

Vecchio sat next to Rebecca. The little girl had obviously been to Church at some point and had made her communion because she knew what to do. Vecchio's nieces and nephews were on the other side of Rebecca followed by his sister, brother-in-law, mother and Francesca. Frannie decided she would rather listen to Fraser from down here. Vecchio looked back briefly. Fraser was at the front singing as he did everything---from the heart, with passion and humility. Vecchio had to admit some envy in his wish that he had a voice like Fraser's. A few young men who had seen the hoard of women surrounding Fraser had the bright idea that if they joined the choir, they might have a chance of their own after the women tired of trying to obtain the unobtainable Mountie. But Fraser stuck out in voice and looks, and manners and every other impossible measure of an ideal that few men could achieve. Just once Vecchio wished he could see a vulnerable Fraser, just a chink in the armour to show Fraser was not Superman. That came close during and after Victoria, but just up to the line. Yes the choir had improved significantly since Fraser had joined. Vecchio smiled and gave thanks for a good friend. Overall a lot had improved.

oOoOo

After Church, Rebecca was content to play with the other orphans under the sisters' care and a few foster kids and Fraser left with the promise to return in a couple of hours.

Fraser enjoyed Sunday afternoons at the Vecchio household. As chaotic as it could be it was nice to be amongst a family. It was strange to be alone in the world, no family. Even though an adult, in some respects he could identify with Rebecca. He was fortunate to have been raised by his grandparents, but in a sense they were foster parents.

Fraser was careful not to indulge in all of Mrs. Vecchio's great cooking although Diefenbaker did not seem to have a problem with it.

Fraser looked down at the wolf. "You are going to regret that you know."

The dog seemed to snort at him.

Fraser shrugged. "I'm just telling you, if you eat too much then you are not going to be feeling well."

Diefenbaker stood and shook himself then walked off leaving a few scraps in his bowl.

Fraser shook his head. "Yes well I don't want to be picking up after you."

"Talking to yourself again Benny?"

Fraser smiled. "No Ray, just warning Dief to not eat too much."

Ray nodded as he grabbed his and Fraser's coats. "Well think we should head back?"

Fraser stood and grabbed his coat. "Thanks Ray. I think we should."

"Okay. I just need to stop by the store, but we should pick up Rebecca first since she is on the way."

Rebecca talked excitedly all the way to the store. Vecchio decided that this had been an entirely great idea and promised she could return every Sunday when they went. Outside the store they stopped for hot chocolate. Fraser was frowning at Dief who was looking pointedly at Rebecca's cookie when he heard a scream and a man with a knife exited the same store they had just been. Fraser looked at Vecchio then down at Rebecca. Vecchio nodded and grabbed her hand while Fraser and Diefenbaker took off in pursuit. "Come on Becky. Lets go take a look at the store real quick." Vecchio watched Fraser leap over some stacked boxes and down into the alley after the suspect. He could hear the wolf barking in excitement. Vecchio checked with the owner who was shaken but fine. "Becky. Don't move from here, do you understand me?" The girl nodded looking frightened. "I'll watch her," the storeowner said. "Thanks Mrs. Mercado," Vecchio said as he took off in pursuit of Fraser.

oOoOo

Sikes looked at the wall in front of him and to the left and right. There was no where for him to go. He could hear the footsteps of his pursuer approaching. He would be around the corner soon. Sikes backed up against the sidewall and waited. When he heard the footsteps closer he clutched the wood tight in his arm and swung as hard as he could. He heard a grunt and the force of the strange clothed policeman falling forward nearly pulled him down as the wood broke in two.

Fraser grabbed his midsection as he rolled to a standing position and ready for a fight. The suspect looked shocked a moment then angry as he struck out with the knife. Fraser was able to sidestep it and get a punch in but Sikes was on him again and again. Fraser realized that the man must be on drugs. His eyes looked wild and there was also anger in him. Fraser ducked one blow but he took one to the top of his right eyebrow. He punched the attacker again in the mid-section , but Sikes slashed his arm. It caught him on the top of the wrist. Fraser cried out but focused on getting a kick in. _Anytime Dief_, he thought to himself. The dog had been dancing around them trying to find a way in but they had been too close together. Fraser realizing his mistake, stepped back several steps and the wolf took care of the rest.

Vecchio was soon upon them and Fraser called the wolf off of the assailant. Sikes was thrashing but settled when the wolf bared his teeth inches from his face.

"You okay?" Vecchio asked. A streak of blood oozed from Fraser's right eyebrow down his cheek. The detective had become accustomed to looking over the daredevil Mountie. Vecchio's eye caught Fraser's arm and the small pool of blood that had accumulated on the concrete. "Jeez Fraser your bleeding."

Fraser lifted his hand and brushed across his eyebrow. "So I am."

Vecchio stepped away from Sikes and pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to Fraser who wiped his face. "I don't think that is going to work on that arm."

Fraser looked down at his arm. It smarted but nothing more than an annoyance now. "No…no it should be fine just a scratch."

Vecchio rolled his eyes. "You could have cut a major vein or an artery."

It was Fraser's turn to roll his eyes. Americans seemed so intent on injuries. "Ray, it did not sever anything vital. I would know that. It cut the top and is only moderately deep and should not even leave a scar."

"Yeah well I hope it does!" Sikes shouted out before Vecchio could respond. The detective turned back to Fraser but said nothing as the Mountie had already tied the handkerchief around his wrist. He pulled his coat down over it. "Do I look alright?"

The question astounded Vecchio. Fraser was not a vain man. "What do you mean do you look alright?"

Fraser leaned in close to Ray and whispered. "I don't want Rebecca to see that I was slightly injured."

Vecchio smiled in understanding. "Well your face looks normal just a little cut but it's not bleeding anymore and well your arm is covered so yeah I guess."

Fraser stood straight, nodded at Dief who turned off his Cujo impersonation and they both walked away. _Well guess that is that_, Vecchio thought as he picked up Sikes and walked him back toward the store. Fortunately, the storeowner had called the police and there was a vehicle pulling into the entrance of the alley. Fraser talked to the officers a moment then headed up the block toward the store.

Vecchio handed Sikes over to the officer and gave a quick report. "Bose is taking the statement from the store owner so we got it covered if you want Detective." the officer said after putting Sikes in the squad car.

"Thank Keith. Need to get Fraser home before he gets into more trouble." The officer laughed. The Canadian Mountie's reputation was becoming legendary.

Vecchio saw Fraser at the front of the store on one knee and Rebecca had a hand on each of his shoulders and appeared to be inspecting him. Finally she nodded and Fraser stood up. Vecchio came up behind them and patted Fraser on the back. "Well we should be going now don't you think?"

Fraser nodded. "Well come on Rebecca. I think that was enough excitement for today don't you."

The girl nodded but did not say as much. It was far too much excitement. Benton Fraser could not get hurt. She held in her concerns and smiled for him as she climbed in the car then allowed Diefenbaker that last bit of cookie she had saved for him.

oOoOo

"You sure you alright Benny?"

"Yes of course Ray. This is just a scratch. I will take care of it right now."

Vecchio shrugged. "Okay. See you tomorrow."

Fraser did as he promised and cleaned and bandaged the wound. Diefenbaker growled and whined for a second and looked intently at Fraser. "I know Dief. I should have moved back quicker. I just didn't think. Sorry. You probably could have prevented this," he said raising his arm up. Diefenbaker stood and put his head in Fraser lapped. Fraser rubbed his hand over the dog's fur for a while until the wolf raised his head and snorted slightly.

"Yes of course. Time for dinner. Although I don't know how you could possibly fit anything else in that stomach of yours."

oOoOo

"What do you mean he made bail? They guy is a nutcase on drugs. He attacked Benny and robbed a store."

Lt. Welsh frowned. "He made bail. They have a case on him Vecchio, witnesses so I expected he won't do so well in court."

Vecchio shook his head. "Yeah if he shows." Things like this were frustrating to Vecchio. "Fine I'll go tell Benny that the guy who nearly cut his arm off is out again."

"There is nothing we can do about that Ray. It's the system of justice," Fraser said from behind Vecchio. "Besides he did not almost cut off my arm. See." Fraser extended his arm beyond his coat and there was barely a pink line. It had only been three days. "What did you put on that?"

Fraser smiled. "Well it's a mixture I made myself from the powder from the horn of…"

Vecchio raised his hand as he scrunched his nose. "Never mind, Frase, I don't want to know, it's probably disgusting."

Fraser raised his eyebrows and looked from Welsh to Vecchio but said nothing. Welsh suppressed the urge to laugh. The Mountie's expression of tolerance of Ray Vecchio was there very subtly but it was clear sometimes he just did not understand his partner, particularly when the detective asked a question then did not want an answer.

"Well, I will leave it to you all to get the Christmas tree for tomorrow so you better head on out."

"Yes leftenant." Welsh could hear Vecchio complaining to Fraser on the way out how he could not understand why they just couldn't buy it at the local store. The patient reply was barely audible but something about the spirit of Christmas. The lieutenant wondered how those two actually could be friends.


	2. Chapter 2

Still not my characters but I do love them.

Chapter Two- Fury

"Do I really get to pick out the tree?" Rebecca asked.

"Yes. We actually need two--one for Ray's home and one for the squad room and the party," Fraser said with a smile and axe in hand.

The girl clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Except we can't take all night because it's getting late," Vecchio said as he tried to warm himself. Fraser gave the detective a sidelong glance and Vecchio raised his arms in apology.

It did not take Rebecca long to find the perfect tree for the squad room or Vecchio's home, but the detective looked at the second tree skeptically.

"Are you sure you want that one? It's missing some limbs or something like that. I mean it looks like the Charlie Brown tree."

Rebecca looked up at him. "It seems very sad and no one else would buy it."

Vecchio shook his head. This was his life…Mounties, orphans and Charlie Brown trees.

"It's a fine selection Rebecca," Fraser said as he tied it on top of the other already on Ray's car roof." She beamed up at him as she got in the car.

oOoOo

They decorated the tree at Vecchio's house. It was loud and chaotic but Rebecca enjoyed decorating the tree and eating dinner with the Vecchio gang. Fraser sat and watched. He and his mother decorated few trees. He actually could only remember one time…the last Christmas they had together. His grandparents decorated a few but most often true Christmas trees were not available. So this sad little tree was indeed special as it reminded Fraser of those cherished but simple times but also sad as his mother and father were not there for the majority of them.

"Hot chocolate Benny?"

Fraser blinked out of his reverie "Ah thank you Ray."

Vecchio sat across from Fraser in the adjoining chair. "That little runt tree doesn't look so bad after all.

"No," Fraser said with a slight smile, "It does have a certain charm."

"Yeah and what is even more charming Benny is my whole family is going to be gone."

"Really?" Fraser was intrigued.

"Yeah. House all to myself again."

"Why are they leaving Ray? I thought family often spent Christmas together."

Vecchio leaned in close. "They do buddy. Ma and the whole broad are going down to Florida to visit my father's brother and his family. They do it every couple of years."

Fraser nodded then looked confused. "But aren't you going Ray? You seem to have a lot of aunts and uncles in Florida"

Vecchio scoffed. "Me. Naw, no way. I hate this uncle and can you imagine traveling with them?"

Fraser looked out toward the living room, children running around, Francesca and her sister arguing. "I see what you mean."

Mrs. Vecchio approached and offered Fraser and Vecchio some fresh baked Christmas cookies.

"Thank you Mrs. Vecchio," Fraser said taking one. "I normally would take one for Diefenbaker but I am guessing that he has had plenty by now?"

Vecchio's mother cocked her head to the side but then reached her hand and squeezed Fraser's cheek. "How can I resist him Benny just like I can't resist you."

Fraser grinned then looked down slightly embarrassed at the affection. "Of course ma'am."

She set the tray down. "I am so glad that my Ray is staying behind to keep you company during Christmas. "

Fraser frowned in confusion and looked to Ray whose eyes were wide and seemed to be trying to communicate something to him. "I am not sure what you mean ma'am."

"Oh I just would hate that you would be here all alone during Christmas time. You are like family to us so I am glad Ray has decided to stay behind….you know since you have no one else here."

"Ah well, actually ma'am…"

"Maah. Leave Benny alone. He doesn't like to talk about it…"

"Ray…." Fraser said slowly.

"No of course not Benny. But you are welcome anytime you understand?" Mrs. Vecchio said sweetly as she patted his hand.

Fraser sighed and he shot a piercing glance at Vecchio before settling a charming one on Vecchio's mother. "Yes ma'am thank you."

Vecchio relaxed as his mother walked away to start rounding up the kids. He looked sideways at Fraser and could see the Mountie's jaw flex in annoyance. It was only a few seconds then he heard his friend sigh and saw his head drop.

Fraser was like a priest. He could just look at you or worse yet look disappointed in you and it brought forth all kinds of feelings of guilt that weren't there before and sometimes a spontaneous confession.

"I'm sorry Benny," he finally said. "I just didn't want to go and she gave me grief and I really…well I really did not want you to spend Christmas alone. That's the truth."

Fraser looked at the little tree. What Vecchio didn't know was that maybe he wanted to be alone. Although staying back for Fraser was a good excuse to not go to Florida he knew the detective was truthful about wanting to celebrate Christmas with Fraser. He turned and looked at his friend.

"I don't like being part of a lie Ray even only a partial lie."

"I know, I'm sorry"

"And you should have asked me if I wanted any company. Maybe I would have preferred to go to Florida with you," Fraser said the last part with a hint of a grin.

"Okay Benny. Next time. But believe me you would not want to go to Florida at least not with us," Vecchio said relieved. There confession made and sin absolved. "So we should be getting Rebecca home. Party is tomorrow."

"Yes…quite right."

oOoOo

"We will see you tomorrow Rebecca," Fraser said. "Ray said he will pick you up from St. Michaels after your party there then off to the squad you go."

"Thanks Mr. Benton, Thanks Mr. Ray," she said giving them a kiss on the cheek.

Fraser stood up and moved his head from side to side to get a crick out of his neck as they walked toward Fraser's apartment. "Do you think Rebecca will like the gift I bought her? I am use to making gifts and I am not sure about how to purchase women's clothing."

Vecchio shook his head. "She is not a woman and you showed it to my sisters. What did they say?"

"Well they said it was beautiful. A perfect dress for her to attend church in."

"And you got her some shoes fit for a princess."

Fraser opened his door and they walked in. "Well the doll with a matching outfit was very generous on your part Ray. You really didn't have to do that."

"Well you and I are her sponsors at the squad so I had to get her something."

Fraser squinted his eyes slightly as he studied Vecchio. Why was his friend so reticent to accept praise for genuine decency? Vecchio looked at Fraser almost as if he could tell what the Mountie was thinking. "I have a reputation to uphold and if anyone asks my sister picked it out."

"Understood."

oOoOo

"So they didn't need you at the consulate this morning?" Vecchio asked as they drove toward the station, "Someone else guarding the door?"

"Yes. We have a temporary constable who is passing through on his way to Washington, D.C., and he volunteered to help with duties for the next couple of days." Fraser straightened his tie. He was wearing his regular duty uniform since today he had no official duties.

"So another poster boy for Canada today then huh."

Fraser stopped fixing his tie as he became self-conscious. He could see Vecchio grinning and realized his friend had set a small trap. He resisted the urge to sigh as he decided to play along. He was going to protest and allow his friend to poke some fun when they heard a scream. Fraser's head whipped to the right. A man appeared to be attacking another man.

Vecchio had seen it and was calling it in as the car came to a screeching halt. Fraser was out the door before Vecchio had put the car in park.

Sikes heard the screeching tire, looked up and saw the hat. _Damn it_! He thought. He started to run but hesitated as he dropped the wallet. It was a mistake.

Vecchio watched Fraser leap over a box and then place a perfect tackle on the assailant. Vecchio recognized the guy immediately and quickly ran to help Fraser as the man was trying to swing widely. Vecchio stepped on the man's hand and made him release the knife and with Fraser's help got him handcuffed.

"Benny you okay?"

Fraser looked up and Vecchio tried not to look annoyed. No wrinkles, no sweat, not even breathing hard. "Yes Ray. Fine," the constable said calmly.

"Okay, I'll sit on this guy why don't you check on the victim? I already called for help and back-up."

Fraser nodded curtly and ran back to the scene.

Vecchio watched Fraser leave. Sikes struggled underneath him. "Get off of me cop."

Vecchio knew better. He had seen Sikes eyes briefly and the guy was high. It was taking all his weight to keep the man subdued. He could use Fraser right now but the victim looked like he needed assistance.

Hopefully help would not be far behind, and he was glad to hear sirens not too distant.

"Hold on sir," Fraser said assessing the man lying on the ground. The woman next to him was hysterical. Blood was jutting out of the man's leg. Fraser did not hesitate and placed his fingers in the wound. The man cried out but Fraser ignored the man's struggles and the woman jerking at his jacket and he clamped down. He saw a squad car pull up and he cocked his head to guide them toward Vecchio. He could hear a slight struggle but soon saw Sikes being lead away. Vecchio knelt down beside him and Fraser heard the detective gulp.

Vecchio could see what Fraser was doing. He had seen wounds of all sorts before but he had never actually had his hand in one. He looked at Fraser in amazement. Calm, nonplussed but focused. What didn't Superman know? "Hey Frase. Need help?" _God I hope not_.

Fraser nodded. "Would you please help this woman?"

Vecchio looked around Vecchio and saw a woman crying hysterically and pulling on Fraser's other arm. Fraser leaned in closer to Vecchio. "She may be his spouse but I can't let her pull me away. He was stabbed in the artery." Vecchio nodded. He could do that. The woman was unwilling initially but Vecchio finally coaxed her to leave Fraser's arm alone.

Fraser kept his grip tight while he calmed the man who remained conscious. A crowd had gathered and he tried to ignore them and keep his attention on the victim. The pulse was steady and although Fraser could feel warm blood trickle between his fingers it was not spouting as it had before. It must have only been a minute or less, but it seemed longer when he finally heard the ambulance sirens.

"What happened?" the EMT said as he looked at the victim on the sidewalk.

Fraser looked up. "Femoral artery was pierced, but not severed by a seven inch serrated knife. He himself knew that pain but had been fortunate that the wound although deep had missed bone and artery.

"How long until you applied pressure?" the EMT asked again as he further assessed the patient as his partner began an IV.

"Approximately 30 seconds?" Fraser was glad that he and Vecchio had subdued Sikes quickly. The EMT looked at Fraser again. "I need you to come with us. I don't want pressure to be taken off. Can you do that?"

"Yes," Fraser said as he turned around to Vecchio. "Ray…"

"I'll follow behind you and call in to the squad to let them know."

Fraser nodded and followed as they lifted the patient. People were clapping and as usual Fraser was oblivious to it as he was focused on maintaining the pressure. Vecchio assisted the now calm woman into the ambulance.

oOoOo

Fraser followed them all the way to the operating room that was ready to go since the EMT crew called ahead. Masked clothed medical personnel surrounded him, and the patient was unconscious connected to a ventilator. A tall man next to Fraser turned to him, "You saved this man son. On the count of three you can release the pressure and step out quickly."

Fraser nodded then did as he was told on the count of three. A nurse was waiting for him and handed him a towel to wipe his hand then showed him where he could wash. When he stepped outside the operating room Vecchio was waiting.

"Hey Benny. Everything okay?"

"Yes. Hector is going to be fine." It did not surprise Vecchio the Fraser had learned the man's name in the short time he had been helping him.

"That's good. How about you? You okay?"

"Yes Ray. I'm fine." That seemed to becoming a standard answer. Vecchio looked Fraser over. _Clean hands, no blood even on the uniform. Amazing_. But was Fraser really okay with all that just happened. He had his hand inside a man's leg, or at least fingers inside a man's leg. "Well, what you did is kind of amazing Fraser. I mean I know you are use to saving people's lives all the time, like Superman or something and well you act like it's nothing."

Fraser shrugged. "Ray its just part of what we do. I'm sure you would have…"

"No Fraser. I don't think so…Maybe take a bullet for someone and it would have to be a very special someone, but not put my finger…well you know."

Fraser looked at Vecchio. "Actually no I don't."

Vecchio sighed. "Jeez Fraser. You had your fingers in someone's leg clamping down on an artery."

Fraser raised is eyebrows but said nothing as he turned to leave.

Vecchio felt like he was going to burst. He put a hand on Fraser's shoulder and the Mountie turned around. "Benny, doesn't anything bother you?" He was thoughtful a moment. "You've done this sort of thing before haven't you?"

Fraser closed his eyes briefly. An image of an Inuit teenager who had been accidently shot by a hunter flashed in his mind. He remembered what that boy's beating heart felt like against his hands as he tried to stop bleeding in a nearby artery. But help never arrived and Fraser felt that heart stop. He opened his eyes again and saw Vecchio staring at him. "Well, um yes. I have." With that Fraser turned and headed out the door.

Vecchio sighed he saw that brief haunted look in Fraser's eyes and then the shield went up and Fraser made it very clear that he did not want to talk about it. He rarely talked about anything and only briefly. Vecchio shrugged mentally. It was not like Vecchio himself spilled the beans much, but Fraser was always or almost always under complete control.

Vecchio met Fraser at the car. Diefenbaker was jumping around excitedly. "Yes we will make the party. You know it's quite pathetic that all you can think about is food right now. I really don't understand how you don't get sick."

The dog jumped around some more and lightly nipped Fraser's gloved hand. Vecchio swore that dog new when something was not quite with Fraser and acted ridiculous if necessary, but it worked and the Mountie was smiling again when Vecchio reached the car. The detective felt a pang of guilt. Fraser_ had_ been fine and only thought of whatever flashed in his eyes because Vecchio had to pry. "Ready for the party?"

"Yes," Fraser said, "We need to go get Rebecca?"

"No. Elaine picked her up already. Everyone is just waiting on us."

"Oh…then you should drive expeditiously Ray…but within appropriate traffic laws."

Vecchio smiled. "Of course Benny. I always do."

oOoOo

There was a slight cheer when Fraser and Vecchio arrived. "Great you could finally make it Constable," Welsh said patting Fraser on the back. "Good job out there. I hear the guy is going to be okay?"

"Yes sir."

"Good well, we had the kids start eating but the party can officially start now that you and Vecchio are here."

Fraser raised his eyebrows. The usually gruff lieutenant was actually quite jovial. It was not that he could not be jovial from time to time, but he had appearances to maintain with his men. Fraser thought him quite a patient man despite his exterior presentation at times especially given how often he and Ray got into a bit of trouble from time to time.

"Thank you leftenant."

Fraser felt tight arms around him and he looked down. "Hello Rebecca," he said, "I hope you have been having fun."

"We have. We ate and were waiting to open presents and play games."

"Well," Fraser said as she led him away, "Mustn't keep anyone waiting any longer must we?"

"No we shouldn't," she said. "You were helping someone weren't you Benton."

He sat on the chair she guided him to. She was looking at him intently in a way that almost made him uncomfortable. "Well yes, Rebecca I was helping someone."

"I'm glad you are back. We have a game that we want to play."

"Okaay," he said cautiously. "What is it?"

"Well we have to blind fold you." She didn't tell him about her dream, or how she worried about him. She saw him grin slightly as she blindfolded him. He was not sure what possible game during Christmas could involve blindfolds but it must be some sort of American custom.

Welsh looked at Vecchio. "Do you think we should rescue him?"

Vecchio looked at Fraser, still blindfolded and looking like a decorated Christmas tree. "Did we get a picture?"

Welsh smiled. "Plenty."

"Yeah I guess we should then. I actually don't think he's eaten all day."

Welsh looked at Vecchio. "Is he okay?"

"You know Fraser. Nothing fazes him."

Welsh said nothing but he often wondered what got to the Mountie. Nothing ever seemed to break into that serene peacefulness that seemed to be at the core of the Canadian.

"Okay kids, time to let the Constable go, and get ready to open gifts. Go see Miss Elaine over there," Welsh said placing a hand on Fraser's shoulder. He leaned in and whispered in Fraser's ear. "We'll get you out of this in a second. You have been a good sport through all of this."

Fraser nodded and Vecchio heard a muffled reply. Somehow the kids had managed to cover his mouth. Vecchio smiled as he removed it the scarf. "Ah thank you Ray. This really is a peculiar game Ray. I am unaware of this custom. Who suggested this game?"

Welsh grinned. "I think Huey and Louie were in charge of games this year constable."

"Ah well," Fraser said as the blindfold was removed followed by the blinking lights around his shoulders and torso. "I hope the children enjoyed what appears to be making me look like a Christmas tree."

"Oh I think they enjoyed it alright as did most everyone else."

Fraser grinned but said nothing. He did not mind. He learned that allowing one to be part of the games and even the center of well-intentioned jokes meant that you were part of the community. He stood and turned around and saw the children chatting excitedly while their sponsors were handing out gifts. "Ray," Fraser said as he stepped out of the last piece of Christmas decoration.

"Right Fraser." They headed over toward the Christmas tree. Fraser found his gift and smiled as he handed it to Rebecca. She said nothing but quickly tore open the box. She gasped as she pulled out the light blue dress and then the black shiny shoes. She held it up and tears welled in her eyes.

Fraser looked to Vecchio then back to Rebecca. "Um I'm sorry Rebecca. I was not sure if …"

"It's beautiful Benton," She said with a smile as a tear streamed down her face. She always clearly annunciated his name. "Blue is my favorite color and I have never…I have never had a new dress of my own."

Vecchio saw Fraser swallow hard just as the girl squeezed the Mountie around the neck. She pulled away and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "It's the most perfect gift ever. I'll be like a princess."

"Right you are there," Fraser said softly, "Indeed a beautiful princess with beautiful blue eyes." The little girl melted and gave him another hug. "Just like yours," she whispered in his ear.

Vecchio cleared his throat. "The squad has something else for you," he said handing her the box. She grinned broadly as she tore it open. She gasped again and then squealed with glee as she squeezed Vecchio around the neck. "I can't believe it. A doll dressed just like me!" She was jumping around excitedly. Vecchio looked at Fraser and winked.

Fraser was focused on Rebecca and the other children when he heard shouting from the entry of the bullpen. It took him only a second to see what was happening. He made brief eye contact with Vecchio. Vecchio saw the look in Fraser's eye and turned around quickly. Sikes saw Fraser immediately. "You! You did this!"

"What is he doing here!" Welsh shouted as two policemen came running in through the doors. "We were moving him…" one managed to get out. It happened in a brief second. Sikes shoved one of the policemen as the officer tried to grab him and managed to take the officer's gun. He waved it around. "You did this!" Sikes shouted again at Fraser as he aimed the gun at the Mountie. Fraser raised his hands up. The wild look in the man's eyes had not left him.

"Sir, you don't want to do this. There are children here." Fraser looked around. All the kids were frozen behind someone in uniform, yet it was still dangerous. "I am sure we can come to an agreement."

"Agreement? You put me in here and my lawyer tells me I can go away for a long time…what sort of agreement can we come to!"

"You do not want to make this worse sir. Harming anyone else won't be good for anyone including you. I am sure you would not want to hurt any children." Fraser had stepped a little closer. He saw Rebecca behind Ray Vecchio and sighed inwardly. Ray would keep her safe.

Sikes said nothing but kept the gun aimed. He looked wildly around. Realizing there was no easy way out of this he said, "Nothing matters to me right now you freak of a cop. You and that partner of yours. I really don't care, but there is no way you can make my life hell anymore." In slow motion Fraser saw the finger start to depress on the trigger and simultaneously Rebecca was running for him. He heard Vecchio shout "_No"_ just before the gun went off. Fraser reached for Rebecca and his weight carried her to the ground.

Before Sikes could get another round off, Huey and Welsh along with two other policemen had subdued Sikes.

Fraser got to his knees and held the little girl. He watched in horror as a red circle started to form around her chest. He placed his hand on the wound and looked back at Vecchio. The detective put his hand on Fraser. "Help is on the way Benny," Vecchio looked at Rebecca and smiled. She was still holding the doll. "We will get you fixed up soon Becky okay?"

Rebecca placed her hand on Fraser's. He held her close and tried to hide his fear from her. "Benton. You are safe," she whispered clearly.

"Yes Rebecca I am. Don't talk now. Help will be here soon." He could feel her heart beating fast and weak, and he hoped she could not sense his heart breaking.

"I had a dream that I saved you. An angel told me in my dream that I would save you," she continued.

Fraser swallowed down the lump in his throat and he pinched his eyes together tightly before opening them again. Despite his efforts, his voice cracked. "It will be okay Rebecca."

She put her fingers on his lips. "Don't be sad. You made me a princess Benton. The angel told me I would be happy. I'm not afraid. I can see them now coming for me."

Fraser could feel his breathing getting faster. "No," he whispered. "You must not …"

Her fingers were on his lips again. "Can a princess have a little…kiss from her prince." Something inaudible escaped his lips as he brought her closer. She put her hands on his face again. "You made me happy Benton." He kissed her on her cheek and she smiled. He looked in her eyes and smiled back then felt her last breath on his cheek. He held her tightly. _This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. We were just opening gifts_! He felt a hand on his shoulderm and he looked back at Ray whose eyes were watery. "Benny," was all Vecchio said.

Fraser looked around briefly. All the other children had been or were being shuttled out. He felt as if he was in another world until Sikes voice broke in. "I told you to get your hands off me! Who the hell was she anyway…nobody. Nothing to nobody!"

Vecchio watched Fraser's eyes change from near despondent to blue fury in an instant. _Oh shit,_ Vecchio thought. He saw Fraser gently lay Rebecca down and before Vecchio could stop him, Fraser had jumped up and was heading toward Sikes. It took seconds--the Mountie was like a tiger or maybe a wolf. Fraser jumped over one desk on top of another and bulled himself through the men holding Sikes and grabbed the man's throat. Vecchio watched Fraser squeeze the man's throat with his left hand actually lift the man off the floor. The detective blinked to make sure he was seeing it correctly. Sikes wasn't big, but he wasn't small. Fraser had the man against the wall and all Sikes could do was bug out his eyes and impotently grab at Fraser's hands. "She was somebody to me, you son of a bitch," Fraser growled with barely contained fury.

-------

Fraser rarely said more than an oh dear and when he did you knew something was up,. I think particularly of the pilot episode when he confronts Gerrard while back in Canada. I hope to explore more of what he contains in the next couple of chapters. Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

Please forgive any medical inconsistencies anything unbelievable. I am not a physician. I also apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors. Hope I got most of them.

Chapter Three-Wounded

The squad room was frozen. Fraser had been beaten, shot, hurt and seemed to take it all in stride, never personally even when it was. No one had ever seen the mild mannered, polite to an annoyance, reserved Mountie angry at least not like this. Sikes was gasping and sputtering but Fraser kept his burning eyes on him and his hand did not loosen. _He's going to kill him!_ Vecchio thought. Everyone else must have been in shock because Vecchio could hear the clock ticking in the utter silence of the room. No one could believe that this bastion of justice might actually kill a guy because he was pissed beyond belief. Who would blame him? Finally someone snapped out of it and started pulling on Fraser's arm when talking alone to the Mountie did not work…then two were pulling but to no avail.

Welsh watched the two officers try to pry Fraser's fingers off the guy's neck. It was just one hand. The Mountie did not even look like he was pressing hard. Welsh stepped into Fraser's line of vision. "Constable," he said softly. Fraser was still burning holes in the Sikes's head with his eyes. "Son," Welsh said again this time putting his hand on Fraser's shoulder. "Son. She wouldn't want this." Fraser's eyes snapped to Welsh. "That's right son. She would not want this. Let us take care of him okay? I promise we will. You…need to go take care of her." Welsh saw Fraser blink a couple of times. At least he was focused on Welsh now. "Okay?" Welsh asked. The lieutenant saw the fury in the eyes and it actually sent chills down his back, but then the gaze shifted. Fraser let go and Welsh heard Sikes take in a huge coughing breath. He took a quick look down at Sikes. No marks even on the neck. How the hell? The older man wrapped his arm around Fraser and led the Mountie away. "My apologies leftenant," he heard the Fraser whisper.

"No no. Glad you got him under control for us." Welsh looked at Vecchio while he sat Fraser down in a chair. "Get this wrapped up quick Vecchio. Quick pictures then take her…"

Vecchio nodded curtly. Huey was already on it. Vecchio stood next to Fraser and put a shoulder on him. Fraser's eyes were locked on the little girl. No tears, no expression nothing. Sikes was complaining again but he was quickly whisked away. Except for Huey and Gardino who had taken it upon themselves to get what was needed quickly, everyone else stood dumbfounded and unsure what to do. Vecchio stayed by Fraser's side and tried to contain his own anger. This was just surreal. He saw someone arguing by the door about how the hell Sikes had gotten lose, another detective was crying but most were just sitting at their desks motionless. No doubt the shrinks had been called. But Fraser was still and Vecchio was not sure what to do. "We can move her now," someone said sadly, but Vecchio was not sure who had made the comment. Fraser stood and waved off the two people that had come with a body bag. "No," he said quietly. "I will take her." The two techs backed off and someone handed Vecchio a blanket. He helped Fraser wrap her up. It was not procedure but no one was going to argue with the Mountie.

Fraser lifted her up and Vecchio thought she looked like she was just asleep and Fraser was taking her to bed. He walked silently behind the stone-faced Mountie and everyone cleared a path. Vecchio could not get rid of the lump in his throat. Thankfully they did not have far to walk. Fraser said nothing and Vecchio did not know what to say. _It's going to be all right. It wasn't your fault Benny. The son of a bitch will pay. _ This was a tragedy that maybe could have been prevented but maybe not. It just didn't make sense. Usually Fraser was the one who had the right thing to say. Now what?

oOoOo

Mort had been expecting them but it was still a shock when he saw Fraser holding the little girl wrapped in a blanket as if she was sound asleep. She looked like an angel. Mort looked at the Canadian. The man was without expression although Mort could see dullness in his eyes, which was so different than the spark that was always there.

Fraser stood in the doorway and looked around almost as if lost. Mort waited patiently, the Mountie never hesitated in the morgue like so many of the other officers around here. No the Canadian showed a curiosity and had a very strong stomach indeed. Something was very different this time and Fraser appeared to be holding the child even tighter. Mort stepped forward. "Hello Fraser," he offered quietly.

Fraser looked around and seemed to ignore him. "I'm afraid it's too cold in here," the Mountie finally said quietly. Mort sighed. This was very much unlike the Mountie. Mort stepped forward. "I will take very good care of her Fraser. I promise you. I will take very good care of her." Fraser locked eyes with Mort, seemed to consider what the old man had said then nodded. He placed Rebecca on the table and looked at her a moment.

Vecchio reached out and placed his hand on Fraser's arm. "Come on Benny." Fraser turned around and let Vecchio guide him out. "Mort will take care of her."

"Someone should notify her foster parents."

"We're on it."

"Are they coming down to identify the body?"

Vecchio looked down. "No Benny. The foster father said we could do it since we knew her. Elaine is notifying social services too."

Vecchio saw Fraser's lips tighten but the face remained the same. They walked back toward the bullpen. "Benny, we need to give statements okay…then we can go home."

"Of course Ray," Fraser said without feeling. If the man had lost all control before when he nearly choked Sikes, he was in ultimate control now. _He's just in shock_. They all were. Vecchio knew that he was trying to push it out of his mind for now as well

The bullpen was virtually empty except for a couple of officers from another precinct who had been taking statements. Someone was cleaning up and Huey and Gardino who were just hanging around waiting to help. They watched Vecchio lead Fraser toward Welsh's office. "Have a seat constable, you too Vecchio" Welsh said.

Fraser watched them talk. He was aware of Vecchio's occasional looks in his direction. He was hoping that no one would ask him how he was doing because he would have to lie. He just wanted to go home and be alone. At some point Vecchio went to stand next to Welsh and they were talking. Fraser did not pay any attention, as he was lost in his own thoughts. He shifted in his chair and felt a sharp pain on his left side. He had been a little shaky since returning from the morgue and assumed it was due to adrenaline, but he felt somewhat light headed now. He looked down at the floor and saw a small pool of blood forming. He blinked in surprise. That was odd. He realized that it hurt when he took a deep breath and he reached with his hand and touched his left side. He looked down at the fresh blood on his hand. He looked up at Vecchio who was still talking. He must have been shot. It was the only explanation but Sikes had only fired once.

His heart raced in realization that the bullet must have gone through Rebecca first. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment with that realization_. I failed. I failed!_ He could feel the pain that the adrenaline had masked before. He looked up once more at Vecchio who turned and looked at him. It must have been something in Fraser's eyes because Vecchio's own eyes widened as he scanned Fraser.

"Oh God Benny!" Vecchio exclaimed, "Why didn't you say something!" Fraser said just looked at Vecchio.

Welsh was quickly by Vecchio's side. "He probably didn't know….adrenaline." Welsh said as he put an arm under Fraser. "Come on Constable. Lay down over here."

Vecchio helped Fraser to the couch. The Mountie's brown uniform was stained and wet on his left side as were his pants leg. Vecchio opened the jacket quickly and saw blood had stained half of Fraser's brown shirt as well. "Benny," he said as he continued to open the shirt while Welsh called for the paramedics. "Damn you Benny…how could you not know, huh?" His voice was like a sympathetic parent and not accusatory but concerned.

He saw the wound on Fraser's left side and could actually see part of the bullet. It looked as if it were lodged between the lower ribs but Vecchio could not be sure. Blood was oozing out of the wound slowly but it was there and it must have been oozing for nearly two hours now. Vecchio grabbed a handkerchief from Fraser's pocket and pressed it against the wound. There was already some bruising around the wound but hopefully nothing vital had been hit. Fraser groaned and closed his eyes a second then looked at Vecchio. "Sorry Ray…" he whispered.

"Shut up Benny. It's not your fault."

Fraser closed his eyes, and he tried to breath shallow. Why had he not felt pain before especially while he was choking the bastard that had killed Rebecca? He knew the answer. Adrenaline could mask a number of things for a while but he had to have at least cracked ribs. It was hard to ignore those, but he had been focused, too focused maybe and he truly wanted to kill Sikes. He had let it all happen. He had brought Sikes in not once but twice. He knew Sikes would shoot but he just stood there.

"Vecchio go check on the EMTs, I'll take over," Welsh said as kept pressure on the wound so Vecchio could leave. "Just hang in there kid, okay. We are all going to get through this." Welsh was not sure how they would get through it. This was heavy. If the Mountie did not make it then he doubted they could get through it. Fraser looked at him oddly as if he was seeing someone else. "It's my fault Dad," he heard the younger main say. Welsh closed his eyes. No, seeing the Mountie like this was disconcerting. Fraser groaned again. "My fault she's dead…should have known better."

Robert Fraser looked down at his son. _What can I tell this boy that will make him realize that this was not his doing,_ But Benton had been taught differently. He would take responsibility for this. He knew his son would live, the wound was not severe enough but it would be hard for him to come to terms with what happened today. So Robert Fraser said all he could think to say. "You did your duty son as you have always done."

Fraser looked at him coldly. "Duty…my duty." Fraser closed his eyes again and focused on the physical pain. That he could deal with. Welsh had no idea what torment Fraser was constructing for himself….perhaps it was the blood loss. His clothing had absorbed most of the blood until the constable had sat down in Welsh's office. Vecchio came in followed by Elaine who sat by Fraser's head and took his hand. She stroked his hair and whispered something to him. Fraser looked at her briefly then stared up at the ceiling.

Vecchio was going to say something when Welsh's door came flying open. "My client says that he was nearly choked to death by a Mountie."

Welsh looked back. "What are you doing here?"

"My client's rights were violated," the lawyer, continued oblivious to anyone else in the room.

"Your client killed a 10 year old girl and shot this policeman. No one, no Mountie, no cop choked him. He resisted arrest and he was subdued." The lawyer was going to say something else when Vecchio stood up and pointed toward Fraser. "Does he look like someone in any condition to do anything?" The lawyer looked down and saw Fraser on the couch At that moment two EMTs moved the lawyer out of the way as they rushed toward Fraser.

"Hey there buddy. We'll get you fixed up okay?" Vecchio heard the one closest to Fraser say. The other EMT got as much information as he could from Vecchio while the other took vitals and started an IV. It did not take them long to get him ready to go. "He's stable. Someone going to come along?"

Vecchio nodded. "I am. I'll call lieutenant when I hear something."

Fraser felt a cold nose on his hand. "Dief," he said quietly. "Dief…someone."

"I'll take care of him Fraser. I promise," Elaine said patting him on the shoulder.

He managed to smile slightly. "Thank you…kindly," he whispered before they took him out. Welsh watched him go and saw Huey and Gardino go up and say an encouraging word to Fraser as did a couple of other officers. Vecchio looked back and nodded briefly. Then Welsh was left with an nearly empty squad room. "I'll get someone to clean up in here, " Elaine said quietly as she left followed by Diefenbaker.

oOoOo

Vecchio watched Fraser helplessly. The EMTs did not seem very distressed and he glanced at one. "He's stable. Blood loss is a concern but everything actually looks good," the paramedic answered Vecchio's unasked question.

Vecchio nodded. Fraser groaned as they hit a bump. The EMT patted him and grabbed the constable's hand in comfort. "Sorry there sir. Can't give you anything for the pain right now okay. We're almost there." Fraser wanted to close his eyes but he saw Rebecca when he did, so he just stared out the window. He could feel Vecchio watching him, felt that he should offer some comfort to him but he just did not know what to say. He grimaced again but bit his lip.

Fraser grunted as they came to a halt and he was taken out of the ambulance and into the emergency room. He was whisked to a room, but he got the sense that it was very chaotic as there was a lot of shouting.

"Please wait here a minute detective," the nurse said and Vecchio waited outside the examining room. It was maybe five minutes and he was allowed back in. A doctor was patted Fraser on the shoulder and looked back at Vecchio. "He's stable so you can wait here with him until we can get back. There has been a major accident and a shooting so we are a bit overwhelmed."

Vecchio looked back at Fraser. He still had his uniform and shoes on. They had a bandage on his side. Vecchio felt his blood boiling. They were just going to leave him here? "What do you mean? He's got a bullet in him and lost a lot of blood. He's a cop and your just going to leave him here?"

The doctor looked apologetic as he began to leave the room. "I'm sorry detective. He is fine I assure you. We will remove the bullet as soon as we can get an open room. He did lose quite a bit of blood but not dangerous, blood pressure is good. He is stable and we need to take care of the urgent ones."

"He's in pain for Chrissakes," Vecchio said. He looked down when he felt a hand on his own. He touched Fraser's bloodied hand briefly in acknowledgement and forced himself to take a deep breath.

The doctor stepped further into the room briefly. "I am getting a scan to make sure that he has no internal bleeding but I does not look like it. Soon as we get it we can give him something for the pain. I'm sorry I have to go," he said as his beeper went off again.

Vecchio looked at Fraser. He saw the Mountie's stomach rise and fall with a slight hitch. They hadn't even wiped off the blood. "Ray," Fraser said again. "It's okay really. They need to take care of people that are severely injured," Fraser said quietly.

Vecchio sat down defeated. "No Benny it's not okay. It's not okay. They shouldn't leave you like this. You cold?"

"No, I'm fine."

_No you're not. I know you're not. You know you're not. You know I know. Damn Fraser just tell me what the hell you feel. But what would I do with it if you did? What could I say? God just let us start the day over and never let this have happened._

Vecchio's phone rang and he kept an eye on his friend as he answered it. "Hi lieutenant. No sir. No word. We are still in an examining room. They said he is stable but they can't give him anything until they have a scan…no he say's he's fine…but he always says that." Fraser turned his head and looked at Vecchio pointedly. "Well you do….no sir. I am sure he's hurting, but there has been some sort of major accident and a shooting…they…they just have him laying here…okay sir, thanks." Vecchio hung up. "Welsh is pissed. This is no way to treat an officer. He's on his way."

"Ray," Fraser said with slight exasperation. "I'm fine. I am not dying and yes it hurts every time I breathe or talk, but…"his voice trailed off and he looked away.

Vecchio stood and looked down. "Yeah, I know…You can focus on it and that helps right now…just like me making a fuss over you and Welsh getting pissed helps us."

Fraser sighed and grimaced as he did so. It was getting increasingly painful and he did wish they would just take the bullet and put him in a blissful sleep for a while.

Vecchio sat for a while. The heart monitor was steady but he listened as it slowly ticked up. Fraser could usually manage his heart rate but it was a dead give away that the Mountie was in pain. He looked down at his watch…twenty-five minutes since he had spoken to Welsh. He saw Fraser breathe shallower and the Mountie looked like he was beginning to sweat. He stood up and walked over beside him. "Hey Benny, you okay?"

Fraser grunted and nodded. Vecchio sighed. "Hurts more."

"Yes," Fraser said curtly. "Like a knife now."

Vecchio had enough. They had only briefly checked on him once. "I'll be back buddy. Just hand on." He was going to step outside when Welsh came through the doors.

"How is he?" The lieutenant asked looking over Vecchio's shoulder. He was amazed to see that other than some monitors and a bandage, Fraser looked virtually as he had in Welsh's office. Vecchio wasn't kidding.

"Starting to hurt more. It's been forty minutes since he's been here."

Welsh eyes flashed and he stormed out the door. "Helps coming Benny."

Fraser tried to relax and it helped somewhat. As promised it was less than a minute when a nurse and doctor were back in the room. He noticed it was a different doctor and nurse.

"Why his this man lying here like this!" the doctor fumed.

"I don't know sir, shift change was just 20 minutes ago. He was reported as stable. They were clearing up the accident and shootings."

"For god's sake, we have volunteers. They could have at least prepped him," The doctor said as he examined Fraser. "I'm sorry son. We'll get that bullet right out of there okay. I think it's moved some and this is why you're hurting. Nurse get him prepped and scanned. I will arrange for OR." She walked out the door quickly to get assistance and the doctor walked over to Vecchio and Welsh. "I apologize lieutenant Welsh. This would not have happened on my shift. He is okay and should be feeling better soon."

Vecchio nodded and left Welsh to talk to the doctor. "Hey Benny. I'll be waiting for you okay when you get out. Doc says everything is fine."

"Thanks Ray, " Fraser said with a slight smile. Vecchio turned as the door opened and looked backed at Fraser with a grin. "All the luck man,"

Fraser raised his eyebrows in confusion then saw the nurse and three nurse trainees walk into the room. He appreciated Vecchio's attempts to lighten the mood.

"Right," Fraser said quietly. Vecchio left as one of the nurses approached and placed a hand on Fraser's forehead. "We are going to take good care of you constable."


	4. Chapter 4

I hope you like this chapter.

Chapter Four-Just Hard to Talk

Vecchio sat in Fraser's room. The surgery had been quick and everyone who was off shift at the station stopped by and gathered in the waiting area for news and then slowly left when they learned he was fine. Even Welsh finally left. Vecchio had called home and the whole family rushed over as well…all relieved Fraser was fine but they were brokenhearted about Rebecca. They were supposed to leave tomorrow for their uncle's house in Florida. Ray's mother insisted they go but she would remain behind. Vecchio knew Fraser had something left to do and he would need his mother's help because that was the only bargaining chip he had with the docs.

Vecchio was still angry about the ER, but it was over and Fraser would have no issues with it so why should. It had been hard seeing his friend just lying there. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "You should get some sleep detective." Vecchio's head shot up and he saw the surgeon.

"Yeah I guess, but I promised him I'd be here when he got back."

The doctor sat down next to Vecchio. "He won't be waking up until tomorrow maybe noon. I heard what happened. If that bullet had not gone through that girl his story may be different but it's hard to know. What I do know is that he needs sleep as do you. Go home and get some rest. I promise we won't wake him until noon. "

Vecchio looked at Fraser who was sleeping soundly and was glad to see that his friend's facial muscles were actually relaxed. He looked very young and vulnerable like that. "Okay doc."

"Good," the doctor said patting Vecchio on the back and standing up with him. "That young man saved one life today in a manner not many would know or be willing to do. I performed surgery on the stabbing victim that your friend here assisted. That man probably would not have made it."

"Yeah. That's Benny." Who would have known the perp would later take an innocent life anyway. "Thanks doc. See you tomorrow."

The surgeon watched the detective leave then went back to check on Fraser. "Well young man, your physical wounds will heal in no time. The other wounds…those will be harder," he said quietly.

oOoOo

Fraser opened his eyes and saw Vecchio sound asleep in the chair next to him. He expected as much. He took a breath in. It hurt but not searing as it had been before, still it would take time to heal. He had hoped it was all a dream and that he would wake up in his sparse apartment. There was something blissful about the drugs they had given him, and the sleep. He could still hope to wake up somewhere else anything or anywhere different that what had happened, but the tightness around his heart reminded him of his failure. He should have just left the girl alone like Ray had said. If only he had just left her alone.

"If only is somewhere I taught you to never go son."

Fraser closed his eyes tight before opening them. "So you did," he finally said.

"You have not done that before you know…played the if only game, not since you were a child."

Fraser sighed. "No dad. I did think if only I had done something to help you, maybe you wouldn't have died."

"You did?" The older Fraser asked incredulously. "Well…I stand corrected. You know it is a useless path. Things happen. Tragic things."

Fraser looked out at the snow falling. It used to bring him peace to watch snowfall quietly; now it only brought sadness. The elder Mountie stepped into his line of vision. "Son, this was not your doing. You were doing your duty. You cannot predict what will happen."

"I saw that look in his eye. I knew he was going to do it. I knew he was going to do it."

"What shoot her?

"No, me." Fraser looked at his father. "I should have just stayed still."

"You were trying to save her just as she was trying to save you. You need to be strong now…don't waste what she has given you."

Fraser looked at his father and found his breath quickening in anger. _He's just trying to help you…he just does not know how to tell you this._ He slowed his breath. He knew his father had been shaken by this incident. "I won't," he finally said and turned away.

The elder Fraser knew he was failing miserably. "Son, I'm sorry. I truly am and I don't have a story to tell you how to get through this."

"It's okay dad," Fraser finally whispered. Robert Fraser sat in a chair next to the window and was quiet. He could at least be here.

"Benny, you're awake."

Fraser smiled. "Yes Ray. I hope you weren't there all night."

Vecchio stretched. "No no. They sent me home. I came back around lunch today"

Fraser nodded unsure of what else to say. He looked around at all the flowers, and cards in his room. It was déjà vu to not so long ago after Vecchio had shot him

"Lots of people asking about you." Fraser smiled slightly in acknowledgement. What about Rebecca? He sighed and opened his mouth to ask Vecchio just that. The detective stood next to the window unaware of Fraser's father there.

"Arrangements are being made for Becky. They bury her tomorrow. Elaine and some others at the squad are taking the lead Benny. Everyone has come together to make sure this is done right. It's going to be…right." Fraser closed his eyes in relief. He was glad for that. He had to be there. "I know you have to be there Benny," Vecchio continued as if reading Fraser's mind, "So I made a deal with the doctor."

Fraser looked squarely at his friend. "What are the terms?" he asked simply.

Vecchio turned and stood next to his friend. "Benny, you have to rest while you are here, eat to show them you are fine and just do as you're told. After the funeral you must be on bed rest, at my house."

Fraser turned his head quickly to Vecchio. "What do you mean Ray. I don't want to impose."

"Look. Ma stayed behind to watch over you Benny. You know she lives for that kind of stuff and it is the only way you can get out of here. Just until New Years okay then you can rest at home. " He knew Fraser's independent nature would loathe this, but Fraser did not need to be alone right now. Vecchio was having his own problems with what happened yesterday, and he knew Fraser would have his own issues if he hadn't already.

The Mountie sighed. "Okay Ray."

Well that was easy enough. "Good. Well you get some sleep. I think they will be bringing you lunch soon."

Fraser wasn't hungry, but he would eat as he had agreed.

oOoOo

Vecchio went home to check and make sure that the guest room was ready to go. His mother had been making soup all day. He reminded her that Fraser would not be coming until tomorrow, but she ignored him.

"Ma, he probably won't want to eat anyway."

"He will eat Ray because I will make sure of that. Now shouldn't you go and visit him?"

"Ma I just got back not 30 minutes ago. He's probably sleeping."

"Well, by the time you get there."

Vecchio sighed. "Can I at least get something to eat?"

She stopped what she was doing and went over to him and patted his cheek. "I'm sorry Raymondo. I know this is hard for you too, but you I know how to take care of. I don't know about Benny, when he is okay or when he isn't."

"I know Ma but he might be Superman sometimes, but he's human and this isn't going to be easy."

"Maybe you should stay," Mrs. Vecchio said thinking. "He needs his rest and time to think, he won't do that with you there."

Vecchio bit his lip as he thought. "You're probably right, but I'll check on him."

"You could probably use the sleep yourself."

He couldn't argue with that. Tomorrow was going to be hard.

oOoOo

Fraser did as he was asked. He was glad no one came after Vecchio to visit. He took his medication, ate what he could and slept. He actually preferred the sleep because he did not have to think even when he had nightmares. He knew that nightmares would subside. They always did with time, but he also knew that this instance was different. Vecchio had called briefly to check on him last night and thankfully did not come in. It wasn't that he didn't want his friend around but Fraser knew that he was supposed to be the strong one, the calm one. It always played out that way….not that Vecchio wasn't strong, but Fraser knew himself. He was like his father…asking for help, knowing when to get help, was hard and right now he just didn't know what to say and did not feel like being strong. A nurse had helped him wash up and he waited for Vecchio's return.

"Hey Benny." Fraser looked up and smiled automatically, no indication of his thoughts on his face.

"Hi Ray."

"I got your uniform, formal belt, gloves."

"Thanks Ray." Fraser sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing his side as he did.

"Doc is on his way in to bandage you tighter."

Before Fraser could say anything the surgeon walked in. "How are you doing Constable?"

"Fine," Fraser said expectedly as he avoided looking at Vecchio.

"Yes I am sure you are," the doctor said in a tone that conveyed disbelief. "Against my better judgment I am discharging you. Your friend here tells me if I don't, you will likely escape through a window or ventilation system. For most people I would find that hard to believe, but I realized he wasn't kidding. I am going to leave specific instructions for your care. I will wrap your ribs and the wound tightly so that you can do what is necessary." The doctor watched Fraser look away. _Yes son like carry a casket_. "It should actually help you breathe with less discomfort, but you are expected to go to bed afterward and remain there for most of the day. It would be good for you to get up and walk around a bit, but I don't want further injury. After Christmas you can come back here and we'll see how you are. You are not to be on your own before the New Year. Okay?"

"Understood," Fraser said quietly. He was going to be a burden to Ray and his mother for a week, but he would do it to be able to be there one final time for Rebecca. "Thank you doctor."

"Alright son," the doctor said as he started re-wrapping Fraser's torso. Vecchio saw the bruising around the site of the wound. If Fraser was in much discomfort he said nothing and it was soon over. "Okay, you are good to go. "

"Thank you again," Fraser said. The doctor left and Vecchio stepped forward. "Here's your uniform Benny. Your boots are here. If you need help…"

"I'm fine Ray. Thank you."

Vecchio sighed. "Yeah okay, but if you need help, I'll be right outside. He laid the red serge on the bed then left.

Fraser stood with a grimace and looked down at the uniform. He felt a lump in his throat and tried to swallow it away. Today was going to be hard…as hard or harder than burying his father.

"You can do this son. I'll be right with you."

Fraser looked back toward the window and smiled as he nodded slightly then he started getting dressed.

oOoOo

Fraser's heart sank when he saw Rebecca in the dress he had bought for her. They had placed the doll with her as well. He and Vecchio probably could have carried the coffin alone but Welsh and Huey helped no doubt thinking of Fraser's injuries. The mass and burial were simple yet beautiful. Most from the department had turned up and the affair had been kept quiet to the public, and he was glad for that. He saw Rebecca's foster mother standing alone. She waited until afterwards to approach him.

"Constable. I am glad you are okay. Rebecca always worried about you." She seemed a loss for words or courage but she finally met his eyes again. "I left my husband. I should have done better for her but I am so glad you were there to make her life happy. I wish I had known sooner. I am so sorry." She reached out and grabbed his hand, hugged him quickly then was lost in the crowd.

The interaction left him feeling sad. He was tired and sore. Vecchio must have noticed him sway slightly because the detective was on him before he even finished wiping his brow.

"Come on Benny. We need to go."

Fraser looked back once more at all the flowers. Vecchio saw the Mountie close his eyes and the muscles of his jaw tighten. Vecchio placed a hand on Fraser again. Without a word Fraser turned and followed Vecchio to the car.

oOoOo

"You tell me if you need anything Benny, okay. You don't hesitate."

"Of course Mrs. Vecchio," Fraser said lying on the bed. It had taken him a while to change into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and he was glad to rest a while

"Are you hungry now?"

"No, no thank you. Just a bit tired."

He smiled and at the same time resisted the urge to sigh as she covered him up. "You rest Benny. You and Ray have had a hard few days and need your rest. I'll come back with dinner after you wake." She patted his hand then left.

He appreciated her help, but he was not used to being cared for in such a manner. It was almost too much but he also had to admit that the bed was very comfortable and this was a significant improvement from the hospital. He did not want to think of anything about the last two days. He just wanted to be alone even if he shouldn't be. He bit his lip and willed his thoughts to anything else until sleep came.

oOoOo

Robert Fraser knew his son was in trouble. Like him, Benton Fraser would not share his feelings with others. The young Mountie had seen plenty in his lifetime but never had a child died in this manner. The elder Fraser knew this would be different and he did not know how to help his son…not this time, but he hoped the Yank did. But the Yank was also a policeman and talking about events like this was just not something that came naturally to them. Robert Fraser looked around him when an idea occurred. Perhaps he could help after all.

oOoOo

"He's still asleep Ma."

"He must eat Raymondo. Go check on him then you can come for your dinner.

Vecchio sighed. His mother was an angel but sometimes when she zeroed in on something she was relentless. He pounded up the stairs feeing like a 12 year old.

He knocked softly on the door then walked in when he heard the quiet reply.

"Hey Benny."

"Hi Ray," Fraser said with a small smile that conveyed nothing.

Vecchio sat on the chair next to Fraser. "Might as well enjoy this chair while I can. Elaine is going to bring Dief over tomorrow after she gives him a good Christmas meal."

Fraser shifted in his bed trying to get comfortable. He had some pain medication but he did not want to take it until it was time to go to sleep. "I hope he is not being too much of a bother for her."

Vecchio laughed. "No no. She said they are both fine. He stopped moping around this morning but seems anxious to see you again. I guess he's worried."

"He does tend to do that."

"Hey Ma, made some soup. We always have her special minestrone on Christmas Eve. I know maybe you want to be alone so I can bring it up here, but you need to eat because she won't leave me in peace until you do."

Fraser did smile genuinely this time. "Of course Ray. I will join you downstairs."

The Mountie started to get up and grimaced. Vecchio jumped up from his chair and offered Fraser an arm. He hissed as he pulled himself up with Vecchio's help.

"You okay Ben?"

"Yes Ray….just stiff. I guess I slept too much. It will do me good to move around a bit." Fraser stood up tall and suppressed a groan. "Just let me go wash up a bit will you Ray?"

"Sure, can you get there on your own?"

"Yes. I'll be fine. I'll meet you downstairs."

Vecchio nodded. "Okay, I'll let Ma know."

Fraser waited for Vecchio to leave then placed his hand over his side. He knew under normal circumstances he would still be in the hospital and it would take time to heal. He took a deep breath and walked toward the restroom. He washed up quickly and combed his hair. He looked in the mirror then closed his eyes tightly as Rebecca's face flashed in his eyes. He felt panic rising through him and he got light-headed. He gripped the sink until it passed when he slowed his breathing.

He turned and started to make his way down the stairs. He was nearly sweating by the time he got down but resolved to make it without further help. He made his way to the kitchen and saw Ray and his mother talking. Vecchio turned around with a plate of bread in his arms. "Hey Benny. Come on sit down. You look like you are going to faint."

Fraser followed them and sat. He really was not hungry but he had to eat something. He sat as straight as he could, not unusual for him, but in this case it reduced his overall discomfort.

"How are you feeling Benny?" Vecchio's mother asked as she poured soup into his bowl.

"Fine ma'am, thank you. Just stiff," he said with a smile. She returned his smile with one of her own. "Well you need to get stronger so eat even if you don't want to okay."

Vecchio was grinning. His mother had a way of making everyone feel like a twelve year old but at least it wasn't like a five year old. Fraser said nothing but dutifully began eating. Vecchio's police eye caught an occasional wince but Fraser was probably telling the truth. But Vecchio had seen the look in Fraser's eye, the distance, the dullness. His spirit was wounded.

To any normal person, including Vecchio's mother, Fraser was doing as well as could be expected. They just buried Rebbeca early today but he knew his friend better. Fraser was pushing everything aside or rather inside. There was a self-doubt now that was not supposed to be there. Vecchio had witnessed Fraser and emotion unleashed. No one talked about it back at the squad. They had seen it but damned if they would say anything to anyone. Fraser had toed the line…maybe one or two toes crossed it, but if Welsh had not been able to stop him he might have crossed it completely. Fraser would know that he was close to that line and he would chastise himself for it if he hadn't already and that would be easier than thinking about Rebecca. Fraser's calm was a mask sometimes. It was a shield to let everyone know he didn't need them even if he did, and sometimes it was hard to tell if the Mountie was feeling anything other than utter calm or curiosity or bemusement at his American counterparts.

They ate quickly and Vecchio's mother dominated the conversation, which was good as neither man felt like talking much. Fraser responded appropriately even smiled when he should, but Vecchio knew his friend was not completely there. "Well Benny. You ready to rest a bit?"

Fraser actually looked relieved. "Yes Ray thanks. I enjoyed dinner very much Mrs. Vecchio." He actually had finished all that she had given him and he did feel refreshed but he was tired."

"I'll help him back up Ma then come help you clean up."

She waved him away. "No, no Ray. You take care of Ben. I'll finish up myself."

She grabbed some of the dishes and headed toward the kitchen. Vecchio stood beside Fraser. "Come on. It will take her a minute so she won't see you try not to act like your not hurting."

Fraser let out a small snort. Vecchio knew him too well already. He gritted his teeth as he allowed Vecchio to help him. They walked up the stair slowly. "Hard to realize how important those ribs are," Vecchio said lightly.

"Yeah," Fraser gasped. He had broken ribs before but had forgotten even how cracked ribs could wreak havoc on most movement. "I had forgotten."

By the time they got to the room Fraser was exhausted and breathing quickly. "You know," Vecchio said as he helped Fraser to the bed. "This is probably the only time I could out run you and maybe only barely

Fraser laughed softly and grimaced. "Maybe Ray, but you know your endurance could improve with practice

"Yeah maybe." Vecchio sat down in the chair and watched the snow falling. "It's still snowing."

"Mmmhhm." Fraser said tightly as he reached for his prescription. _ Tears of snow_ he thought and swallowed the lump in his throat. Vecchio turned around and rolled his eyes as he grabbed the bottle, opened it and handed a pill to Fraser with a glass of water.

"You could have asked."

"Sorry. I just didn't think to," Fraser said as he drank some water. They sat there in silence looking at the snow fall gently.

"It doesn't feel like Christmas does it?" Vecchio ventured as he still faced the window. There was silence for a while then finally,

"No it doesn't."

Vecchio sighed. At least there was that. Vecchio needed to help Fraser talk about what happened. He had seen things like this eat cops alive because they never talked to anybody about it.

Fraser could see Vecchio try to relax his shoulders. The Mountie knew he needed to get his friend to talk about this. He had to put aside his own feelings to help Vecchio, but it was just too difficult. At times he felt as if his own control slipping not in anger as it had when he faced Sikes, but despair at his failure to protect Rebecca.

He nearly lost control when he saw her lying there as she was asleep holding her doll in her new dress. "I don't know how to talk about this," Vecchio finally said.

"I know," Fraser said quietly. He felt ashamed for having lost control and nearly choking Sikes. He had learned the method from Quinn years ago. Talking about that was easier than talking about loss.

Vecchio turned around. It would be easier to talk to Fraser about the Mountie's anger than anything else right now, but that was start. "No one is saying anything about what happened afterward….you know…with Sikes."

"You mean that I assaulted him?" Fraser said bluntly.

Vecchio turned. "That's not how we remember it….you helped subdue the son of a bitch."

Fraser did not actually remember much of it only running for Sikes then talking to Welsh. He did remember the look of fear in Sikes. "I am not sure that is what happened Ray."

"Well I am and so is everyone else in that squad, so don't even think about trying to take responsibility for something you can't remember."

"Was he hurt?"

"Actually no he wasn't. Not even a mark so me and Welsh were wondering if you could teach that technique."

Fraser knew it was futile to argue. The line had closed ranks and no harm had actually been done. "I should have not lost control like that."

Vecchio shook his head. It was a sight to see. A side most including himself, had never seen of the mild mannered Mountie. "You're human Fraser," was all he could offer then he said softer, "And it's okay to let others know that you are."

Fraser said nothing to that. He did not purposely try to hide things from others it was just not his way. He grew up relying on few others just because of where and how he grew up. He felt the medicine starting to take effect and his eyes got heavier.

"Get some sleep Benny. I know you won't want to celebrate but Ma is cooking a small Christmas dinner. This is how she takes care of things you know with food."

Fraser smiled. "Okay Ray. I'll be there."

Vecchio stood and left not knowing much more than when he first got there except Fraser didn't want to talk. Vecchio had nightmares but they were limited and only of Sikes shooting a gun, not of holding a dying child in his arms like Fraser. He heard Fraser's deep breathing signifying that the Mountie was finally asleep.

**Just one more chapter to go. I think, but pretty sure.**


	5. Chapter 5

Well here is the final chapter. I thought about and epilogue but decided to end it here. Thanks for those that left feedback and hope even if you didn't that you enjoyed the story. Hopefully I can get another one written soon. Thanks again.

Chapter Five-Christmas Day

Fraser woke with a start and was breathing quickly. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and slowed his breathing down. He found it hard to catch his breath and tried to sit up. He leaned over the bed but felt like he was suffocating. He struggled to lift his shirt then reached down and peeled off the tape holding the bandaging around his mid-section. He knew he shouldn't do it, but he just couldn't take a full breath with the tight bandaging. It came off, and he felt immediate relief and slightly more pain, but he could live with it. He stood unsteadily and moved toward the window, cracked it open, and breathed in deeply. He had no idea what time it was because there was no clock in the room, but he knew it was close to sunrise. He walked slowly to the closet. He figured he might as well get dressed for the day.

He put on a pair of jeans and a blue button up shirt. Getting his boots on was a little more difficult but once he managed, he quietly made his way to the washroom to shave and wash up. He slowly made his way down the stairs figuring it would be ridiculous to lie in bed fully dressed. He sat by the sad little tree and watched the lights. He felt tightness in his chest and throat. Maybe it had been a mistake to come down here. All he could remember was her here playing with Ray's nieces and nephews and decorating the little tree. He placed his head in his hand and focused on Sikes and the anger he felt. It was wrong to want the man dead but he did and in his grief he did not care if the man was evil or on some drug induced high when he did what he did. Fraser rubbed the top of his eyebrow and watched the lights shimmer. He made a note to remind Ray that lights should be turned off at night as they were a fire hazard.

Vecchio almost felt a panic when saw the window in Fraser's room open and rushed downstairs when he saw the Mountie asleep in the chair next to the Christmas tree. Vecchio's mother was in the kitchen making coffee. Vecchio gave her a kiss. "Merry Christmas Ma," he said with a smile.

"Merry Christmas Raymondo. Benny was asleep when I came down. I thought I would make coffee and a little breakfast and maybe he would wake up. Vecchio nodded as he helped his mother. It was tradition whether in Florida or in Chicago, that he helped her with breakfast on Christmas morning. Usually it was a bigger affair when the whole family was there. He had to admit that he enjoyed the laid back morning this year even though it was somber. This was far different than other Christmases.

They were setting the table when Fraser walked into the dining room. "Merry Christmas," he said quietly and with a smile.

"Merry Christmas Benny," Ray's mother said with a hug and a kiss on the Mountie's cheek. "Come on sit down for a little breakfast."

Vecchio shook his hand and gave him a pat on the back. "Merry Christmas Benny."

Fraser wasn't anymore hungry this morning as the other days but he would eat dutifully to please Ray's mother.

They finished and placed the dishes in the kitchen then went by the tree. T_he little tree that only she had the heart to pick out, _Fraser thought as he bit the bottom of his lip.

Vecchio saw the torment on Fraser's face but only briefly then the calm covered the storm.

"Hey Frase. Just sit down…you too Ma. I'll get the gifts. There are only a couple. I brought yours from your apartment Benny."

"Thank you Ray," Fraser said trying to sound reasonably cheerful. He did not want to ruin the mood for them and he did not want to be here opening gifts. Christmas had always been a time for them to give thanks even if it was simple with few gifts. He was thankful for his friends, but the meaningless death of Rebecca was just such a dark hole in his heart.

Mrs. Vecchio tore open her gifts with a glee like a child that did make Fraser smile. "Oh Ray. This is so beautiful," she said raising up beautifully embroidered scarf, "How did you know I needed a new one."

"Because you have tried fixing that other one so much," Vecchio said.

She grinned broadly as she kissed Vecchio on the cheek. She then opened a simply wrapped package. She gasped when she pulled out a wooden nativity scene. "Oh my, Benton. Did you make this?"

"Yes ma'am. I was not sure…"

"Oh it is so beautiful. Just beautiful." She got up and smothered him in an embrace then finally a kiss on the cheek. Despite himself he blushed at the attention.

"Um, it really wasn't anything," he mumbled.

"Oh yes it is. Just beautiful," she said putting it on the mantle.

Vecchio opened his gift and smiled broadly. Inside was a wooden carving of a wolf. "A statue of Dief. This is really good Benny. Thanks a lot." Vecchio actually did like it and secretly envied Fraser's ability. "Open your gifts now."

"Oh yes, quite right." Fraser said. He opened the one from Vecchio's mother. He pulled out a pair of leather gloves lined with sheepskin and a thick wool scarf. "Thank you very kindly Mrs. Vecchio. These fit perfectly."

She grinned broadly and nodded satisfied. Vecchio handed Fraser another gift. "I know you really don't need much, but well, this is from me and Franny."

Fraser undid the ribbon and he could tell by the packaging that it was likely Francesca that had wrapped it. "Franny wrapped it," Vecchio chimed in and Fraser had to smile. Sometimes it was as if their minds were linked. Fraser opened the petite box and inside were two pairs of opera tickets.

"I think she is hoping you would take her but we know how much you love music and opera which of course adds to your weirdness."

"Ray," Fraser said. "I really don't know what to say. This is very generous of you. Perfect. Thank you very much."

Vecchio patted Fraser on the back. "I'm glad you like them Benny."

"Such wonderful gifts and mine were just…."

"From the heart," Vecchio said, "And to be honest if I could carve wood like you then I would have made you something too."

Fraser grinned. "Well can I help you with something?"

"No no Benny." Mrs. Vecchio said as she gathered the wrapping, "You and Ray watch the parade on T.V.," she said as she went to the kitchen. "Won't be much work since there are only the three of us."

Fraser smiled and stood slowly up from the chair. He winced slightly hoping that Vecchio had not noticed but he could feel the detective's eyes on him. "You okay Benny?"

"Yes Ray. I am fine thank you. I am going to go upstairs a moment then will be back down to join you and watch the parade."

Vecchio looked up from his T.V. guide. "Hey guess what. 'It's a Wonderful Life' is on too in about an hour. I know you love that show." Fraser smiled as he turned around from the staircase.

"Sounds good Ray. I'll be back in a minute."

Fraser slowly made his way up the stairs. He was warmed by the gifts he had received and the genuine thought put in them. It had taken him time to determine what he wanted to make for Mrs. Vecchio and Ray. He actually had made a little something for each of the family members. He knew that Americans purchased most of their gifts, as did most Canadians, but he had grown up in places with no shopping malls and people tried to make gifts that said as much about the giver as the receiver.

He set down the tickets, scarf and glove on the dresser then went and sat by the window for a while. Being down stairs in front of that tree was harder than he thought. He would have to put on a good face for the Vecchios. He let the cool air hit him on the face and felt himself relax. _Christmas will be over soon_ he thought as he got up to go back downstairs. He wondered why his father had not yet appeared as he made his way slowly down the stairs. He sat quietly in the soft chair next to Vecchio and watched the rest of the parade followed by 'It's a Wonderful Life.' He and Ray did not speak through most of it except for small talk.

Vecchio watched Fraser sit there staring at the television. It was a vacant uninterested look. Despite Fraser's efforts the Mountie could not pretend to be interested. To be honest, Vecchio wasn't much interested either but they couldn't just lie in bed all day on Christmas. "A Christmas Story" was on after that and for a moment Fraser actually laughed when the one boy got his tongue stuck to a pole. Fraser told Vecchio a story about someone he knew who had something similar happen. For a moment the twinkle had returned to his friend's eye but then it was gone and replaced with an imperceptible look.

"Dinner smells good," Vecchio said finally.

"Yes. Yes it does." Fraser answered with a slight smile. "Your mother really should not have gone to this trouble."

"Believe me Benny. This is no trouble for her. She loves to do this stuff and it's only the three of us this time. She bakes a mean chocolate cake from scratch.

"Mmmmhhmm,. I can smell it."

"You hungry?" Vecchio asked looking toward the kitchen.

"Yes a little bit."

The doorbell rang and Fraser and Vecchio turned to face each other. "Dief," Fraser said simply.

"Yup," Vecchio said as he got up, "I'll get it."

Fraser watched him walk toward the door. "Hi Elaine," he heard Vecchio say. Just a second or two later Diefenbaker was licking Fraser's face.

"Hey boy," Fraser said with a smile. "I missed you too." The dog whimpered and sniffed Fraser's hand, face, and ribs.

"Don't worry Dief. I'm fine. Really." The dog yawned then snorted. Fraser drew the wolf closer to his face as he patted him. "Yeah. I know I can't keep anything from you."

"Hi Fraser," Elaine said walking in. She had brought three small parcels and put them under the tree, "Merry Christmas."

Fraser stood up. "Merry Christmas Elaine." She touched his arm and looked up at him full of concern.

"Thanks for taking care of Deifenbaker Elaine."

"It's okay Fraser. I really have enjoyed having him around. He has missed you though." She studied his face a moment. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, thank you. Better under the care of the Vecchios," Fraser said aware that she had taken his hand in hers, but he did not pull away.

She smiled. "Well I'm glad Benton. I was worried."

He nodded with a slight smile of appreciation. He was not sure what else to say when Mrs. Vecchio came into the room with Ray behind her. "Won't you stay for dinner with us Elaine," Mrs. Vecchio said as she began setting the dinning room table.

"Oh no," Elaine said, "I don't want to barge in."

"Don't be ridiculous. We have plenty of food, unless you have other plans."

"No I don't, but well are you sure?" she said with hesitation.

"Of course," Vecchio said. She looked back at Fraser and realized she still had his hand in hers and let go.

"Mrs. Vecchio cooks exceptionally well, Elaine. I wouldn't say no," Fraser said moving toward the dining table. She laughed as Diefenbaker bounded after him. She moved toward the table and sat down without saying another word.

Fraser made every effort to look interested in dinner and keep up with the conversation. It was actually a pleasant meal and conversation and years of practice allowed him to push any unpleasant thoughts far away for a short time. After coffee and cake they spoke just a little longer before Elaine said good-bye.

Mrs. Vecchio busied herself with cleaning with the usual insistence that she do it alone. Vecchio and Fraser went and sat by the tree again. "Hey look Benny, we forgot about Elaine's gifts."

Fraser looked up from petting Diefenbaker. "That was very kind of her."

"Yeah it was. Here's yours." Vecchio handed a small package to Fraser.

"Hey look at this. It's a perfect model of my baby!" Vecchio said holding up a box of a model car. "Hey it even has the paint. That's cool. What did you get?"

Fraser opened the small box. "Ah, 'The Complete Works of Shakespeare.' That was very thoughtful indeed. I had mentioned that I had lost my copy on a trek through the Yukon last vacation."

"You go trekking on vacation and read Shakespeare?"

"Yes Ray."

Vecchio rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Well I'm tired Benny. I'm going to bed. Do you need anything else?"

"No no. I will be back up soon. I am doing better."

"Okay well Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Ray."

Fraser listened to Vecchio go up the stairs. Finally he was alone. He no longer had to try to act like he was unaffected. Of course they were all affected to some degree or another, and he knew he couldn't completely fool Ray, but he didn't want to ruin Christmas just as he knew Ray had put on a show of his own.

Fraser closed his eyes. Maybe time would heal wounds, but Fraser wasn't sure this time. He would prefer to feel the physical pain in his side than the heaviness in his heart that just would not lift.

_I should have just left her alone. Ray was right. I should just stop trying to help people, smother them with kindness then they end up dead. They end up dead. _ He rested his head on his hand. He felt the anger rise inside of him. He had the urge to throw the tree through the window, to break something anything, but he sat there with his eyes closed thinking how he had failed.

"Are you going to open my gift Benton?"

Fraser's head snapped up and he nearly jumped out of his seat. He looked wide- eyed into the face of Rebecca. "I uh, uh…I must…uh...be dreaming."

"No son," his father's quiet voice said from behind him. Fraser looked back. "Dad, I…uh Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas son. Sorry I couldn't get here sooner. I was a bit tied up looking for your present," the elder Fraser said with a nod toward the little girl standing next to the tree.

"I made it just for you Benton," she said as she approached him.

He just looked at her. She smiled at him sadly. "It was not your fault Benton. I know you blame yourself. You shouldn't blame yourself."

"I…it was my duty to protect you."

"No it was not Benton. It was not your duty to protect me."

"I should have just left you alone Rebecca. I should have…"

"Left me to my sad little life? You made my life happy Benton."

He looked away. "It was because of me that you died Rebecca. Sikes aimed to kill me."

"And I was meant to save you. I dreamt of it many times." She stood in front of him and he looked at her again. His eyes had watered slightly though he willed them to dry.

"I don't understand…you are a child Rebecca. An innocent child who did not deserve the life that you had."

She smiled. "There are so many like me Benton, and you cannot save them all. You know that…you knew that, but in your heart you know you can make a difference. You made a difference in my life, gave me something to hope for, to admire. I knew that you cared for me like you care so much for so many. It would make me sad to think that you would lose that because of me. There are so many others that need you."

He stood up and began to pace. She spoke beyond her years. His side hurt, his head hurt and as it had since that day his heart hurt. "Benton, I am so much happier here. You just don't know how wonderful it is to be here. Now I can watch over you and others all the time. It was what I was meant to do."

Despite his efforts, he felt tears run down his cheeks. He tried to blink them to stop but they didn't. "You are…okay?" It seemed like a stupid question, but he didn't know how else to ask it.

She stepped in front of him so that he came to a halt. "I am so okay Benton. More than okay, but I'll be sad if you are sad because of me."

He sat down and she stood next to him. "Now will you open my gift?" She extended her arm to hand him a scroll.

He looked at it then at her. She was smiling. "I couldn't buy you anything you know, so I made this for you. I left it here that day we decorated the tree. Ray said you would be coming here for Christmas dinner."

He wiped the tears then began to unroll it. He half smiled half sobbed when he saw a picture of himself running apparently after a suspect. His name was scrawled next to it with an arrow pointing to the red coated figure. Above it was an angel with a similar arrow pointing to it with the name "Rebecca." He pulled the paper close to his chest and could not hold back his tears.

Vecchio watched from the stairs. He had heard Fraser talking so came down to check on him. He stopped when he saw Fraser opening the small scroll. He had known Rebecca had put it under the tree, but had forgotten it was there. Vecchio did not know what to do. Superman did have tears. Vecchio fought back is own, not sure if they were for seeing his friend in pain or for the own loss he felt of the little girl.

"Son let it out. Don't hold it in like I did when your mother died. It nearly ate me alive," Robert Fraser told his son as he placed a hand on Fraser and squeezed. He wanted his son to feel his presence literally. Bob Fraser looked at the little girl and nodded. She smiled as she approached Fraser and wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm sorry Benton. Please don't be sad, please." Fraser looked at her but she was blurry because of the tears. He suddenly felt claustrophobic. He stood up quickly and hissed as he grabbed his side but he ignored it as he rushed out the front door and started running.

"Oh crap," Vecchio said. He was thankful he had left boots by the door. He thrust his feet in them and ran after the Mountie.

Fraser was already halfway down the street by the time Vecchio had picked up speed. "Benny wait…….Stop Fraser!"

oOoOo

Rebecca held Bob Fraser's hand tightly. "Did I make it worse?"

"No my dear. He will be alright. He just well, he just needed some air. He will be fine, just wait and see. The Yank will take care of the rest."

oOoOo

Fraser's lungs were burning and his side was screaming at him. He reached the end of the block and collapsed in the snow near the stop sign. He grabbed a branch that had fallen in the wind. With a grunt he stood and used it to swing at the stop sign over and over.

Vecchio stopped a couple of yards away amazed. He approached Fraser slowly. "Benny," he said calmly, "It's okay…" Fraser ignored him and kept swinging until Vecchio wrapped his arms around Fraser's arms. The Mountie was breathing heavy and there was a slight whistle in his breath. "Benny, it's okay."

Vecchio steadied his friend as Fraser sunk to his knees. He could feel Fraser shaking and occasionally catch his breath. Vecchio realized Fraser was still crying. Vecchio sat there unable to hold back his own tears. "We'll get through this Benny. We will."

After a few minutes Fraser sat up on his knees. His eyes were red but dry. He swallowed hard. "She came to me, by the Christmas tree."

Vecchio wiped his eyes and looked at his friend. "She told me," Fraser continued, "that she could watch over me." He swallowed hard. "That bullet was meant for me Ray. It should have been me. It should have been me."

Vecchio would have felt the same. What would Fraser tell him? "I know Benny, but maybe it wasn't. We can't understand why….you know that don't you."

Fraser pulled the small scroll out of his shirt and handed it to Ray. "She made this for me before it even happened."

Vecchio looked at it and felt the lump in his throat. He handed it back to Fraser. "She's watching over you now."

Fraser looked past Vecchio's shoulder and saw Rebecca with his father. He smiled at her. "Yes, she is."

Vecchio grabbed Fraser's arm. "Come on before you get sick. You have to see the doctor tomorrow. I don't think we should tell him about your little exercise."

"No probably not."

"You still outran me even with cracked ribs."

"We shouldn't tell anyone that either?"

"No we shouldn't."

Superman did have tears but he would heal. Vecchio was sure of that now and he would heal with him.

The End


End file.
